My Top Ten Reasons for Hating Mother's Day

1. Mother's Day is always on the Sabbath.  This just grates on me.  Isn't this the Lord's day?  Doesn't spending a whole three hours of church meetings gushing over the best mothers ever sort of smack around the whole "Thou shalt have no other gods before me," except on Mother's Day... and Father's Day.
2. Do you have any idea how many people WANT to be mothers and can't?!  For whatever reason.  Infertility.  Lack of a partner.  Miscarriages.  This, was (obviously) not my problem.  But, I can't help having my heart break as I stand in a public place of worship to acknowledge my extreme coolness at being able to get pregnant and carry a baby to full term and think of all of the women in the room who would be better at it than I am, if only...
3. What's this?!  A whole day, for ME?  No. Not really.  This day is made for the people we've mothered and/or our husbands to make a show of gratitude.  I have a really hard time with this.  It's like only saying "I love you" on Valentine's Day.  You shouldn't need an occasion set aside by Congress to feel gratitude...and you shouldn't need to have millions of dollars of advertising for weeks at a time in your face to prompt you to do it.
4. MILLIONS of dollars of advertising.  This year, someone I know spent $90 on flowers even though their family is in the middle of a bankruptcy because he thought this is what the mother of his children would want most.
5. Breakfast in bed.  Why is this the thing to do?   It makes sense on Father's Day.  The father of my children would eat pancakes every morning if I baked them.  He also has the ability to remain comfortably in bed until well past noon on his days off.  I, on the other hand, really don't like pancakes or eggs and feel the need to rise as soon as the sun creeps through the curtains.  So, sitting there patiently, is like torture.
6. Hallmark Cards.  Who writes these things?  I am not a perfect mom.  I don't actually know any perfect moms...Well, maybe that one neighbor down the street who is always happy, raised seven kids, and has served two missions to the Islands...I want a card that says, "Mom, you're goofy and you break the dishes more often than the rest of us, but I wouldn't trade you for the world."
7. Mother's Day talks...in my church, we have these every year.  A few people touting the awesomeness of their moms.  Do you know what moms do?  We talk about our kids.  We talk about how big our bellies were, how much delivery hurt, how they painted the walls with poop that one time, how you know if your kid is lying to you, and what stories are the best to read out loud.  We are completely uncomfortable with all of this gooey, glowing spotlight business.  Turn it off.
8. Adoptive moms vs. Birth moms...today, I learned that a "thoughtful" someone has instituted the Saturday before Mother's Day to be "Birth Mom Day."  I guess this was their way of saying, see Adoptive Moms are the real moms here.  I've always thought this.  When I placed a baby for adoption 17 years ago, I spent my first Mother's Day with a stuffed mouse in my arms KNOWING that I was NOT a real mother.  I had given birth.  Period.  The woman who changed, fed, burped, laughed, and cried with him is his mother.  The thing is, we get all caught up defining what the "perfect" mom is that anyone who doesn't fit this feels left out or not good enough to be recognized. 
9. Pie instead of petunias.  Somewhere along the way a practical gift became symbolic of not recognizing the woman in your world as an individual.  That, somehow, a vacuum screamed "domestic servant."  I just disagree.  IF the mother in your world needs something to improve her everyday chores, then giving her that gift is acknowledging that being able to beautify her surrounding and having the working tools to do this IS a part of who she is.  This is the sort of gift that just keeps on giving.
10. Fathers who don't give a crap. Okay, on the flip side of all of the above, is being married to a man who does NOT feel any gratitude whatsoever toward all that you do as mother of his children and makes sure you know it by NEVER saying thank you any time throughout the year and is able to somehow ignore the millions of dollars of advertising, the talks, etc. Seriously?

Now, having said all this, I'd like to wish my mom the Happiest of Mother's Day (cuz you know I'll get it if I don't) !!