The Adjustment Bureau (2011)

This movie was so intriguing to me.  As a person who has been brought up to believe in both "free agency" and a "hands-on God,"  I had recognized the conflict between the two, but never quite like this...

"God made sure we couldn't get back home."  ~quote from an LDS mission president in Japan after finding the 9.0 earthquake and tsunami had destroyed their city.

"I will follow God's plan for me." ~lyrics to an LDS children's song.

"There is too much tendency to attribute to God the evils that man does of his own free will." ~Agatha Christie.

"Life is like a game of cards.  The hand you're dealt is determinism; the way you play it is free will." ~Jawaharlal Nehru

In this story, the Chairman (or Man Upstairs) has changed the plan -- David and Elise were supposed to be each other's one and only, but then, politically -- for the good of the world -- it was important that they never meet so David would still have the drive to serve his country as a Congressman, Senator, and even President while Elise would have the consolation of becoming a world famous ballerina.  Except they met...oops.  One agent fell asleep on the job and suddenly, the whole plan is offline.  David even walks in on his best friend having an "adjustment."

This whole movie is like being stalked by the mafia...the "agents" (instead of angels) are just plain scary in their Dick Tracy suits running around the city wearing their resistance-is-futile faces and making threats. 

"What about free will?" David asks.
"What about free will?  We gave you free will and you gave us the Dark Ages.  So, we put our hands back in and gave you the Enlightenment, the Renaissance, the Golden Age.  In 1910 we thought you were ready to do it again on your own, and in less than a quarter of a century you gave us World War and the Great Depression." Agent Thompson.

In the end, even the movie/screenwriter has enough of all of the heavy handedness.  Harry, David's personal agent, takes pity on him and shows him how to move through space like the agents do.  They map out a plan that will give David a chance to stop Elise from marrying the man the Adjustment Bureau has put in her path.  In the end, when the dust clears, David's determination changes the Chairman's mind.  In the end, we're all left wondering just how involved God is and how much we determine our own path while buffeted about by other people's choices...happy to know that none of us are being stalked by mafia angels.

First Day: First Impressions

Today, I worked as a temporary assistant at an undisclosed law firm.
Today, I dressed in a straight tan skirt, a blue three-quarter sleeve button up, and my seashell necklace.
Today, I wore my hair back and had makeup on.
Today, I wore my best smile ane applied my best handshake.
Today, I worked through dictation files like a madwoman and completed transcripts left and right.
Today, my husbands cell phone (borrowed in case of emergencies) went off just as I was chatting up the person I think may be the office manager.  She noticed I had a cell phone before I did and walked away.  Bewildered at the noise, I bent down and unzipped my purse just in time for the lyrics:

"I JUST HAD SE-EX!  And IT FEELS SO GOOD!!"

Really?!

Lucky for my husband that he had just traded his phone and hadn't been able to get through all of the already saved music... Lucky for me, the office manager had walked away. 

To hear the song, go search through the SNL skits. 

The Talk

As a parent, there is one talk you never want to have with your children.  I know you think I'm blogging about the birds and the bees, but, honey, I brought up the sacred subject of sex a long time ago.  I think eight years old could actually be too late in our very modern world where kindergardeners are watching porn over their parents shoulders and taking the newest method to school with them in the form of a "funny" joke.

Nope.  I'm talking about the one where you sit down and say, "Your grandfather (or insert other beloved relative) is a child molester."

The thing about having this conversation is that you are probably dealing with all sorts of mixed, negative emotions yourself...betrayal, confusion, anger, and fear are just a few of what come to my head.  On top of this, you now get to shatter your child's idea of home and family being a "safe" place.

Hopefully, you've already had the talk with them about the areas of their bodies where no one is supposed to touch.  However, many parents are still giving this talk along with other "stranger danger" warnings when only ten percent of child molesters are strangers to the children they abuse.  TEN PERCENT.  This is not a family secret worth keeping.

Here are some things you need to teach your children now: 

1. Let your children say "NO" when they don't want to be touched (this includes Grandma's kisses).
2. Allow members of your family privacy while dressing, bathing, sleeping, etc.
3. Use the proper names of private parts.
4. Be clear about okay touch and inappropriate touch.
5. Explain the difference between a secret and a surprise.
6. Practise talking before there's a problem by saying "embarrassing" words openly, honestly, and respectfully.
7. Make it clear that you will support your children when something makes them uncomfortable.
8. Create a Family Safety Plan so your children know what to do/who to talk to if they are threatened or touched by someone.

You can find more helpful resources at Stop It Now.  This form of abuse will continue to go on until we stop pretending it doesn't happen...until we become courageous as parents in arming them with the tools they need to protect themselves (or to get help before things become more than uncomfortable).  Have the talk.  Be thankful if you have no one in your family that you can name as someone who "hurts little children,"  but do not be surprised by an untold secret.

That's Distracting

There was a brand new family in church today with a cute little boy who kept turning around to flirt with one of my little girls.  Of course she leaned in closer for the attention.  I sat her back on the seat a couple of times because his mommie was asking him to turn around and be still saying, "Let's help him listen to his mommie."  But, you know, repetition in all things...

When his daddie returned from his Almighty Priesthood duties, Princess and Mr. Cutie Pie were in flirt mode again.  Just as I put my arms around her to tug her back into the bench seat, I could hear him whisper, "Will you move her back.  She's being really distracting."

Why thanks.  I hadn't noticed.

About ten seconds later, daddie was mock leading the music with a little girl sitting in front of them.  Of course this wasn't distracting.  A minute after that, he was talking to his wife about some such something that was too important to wait for after the meeting or to write down.  Nope, that was not distracting.

Later, when Princess laughed out loud with glee and gave me a high five for being able to read the 14-lettered silly word she'd carefully spelled out in all caps BEFREBOOLEFRBS backward, I just smiled and stared at the speaker knowing we weren't being distracting one bit.

My Year Without Sex (2009)

Natalie (Sacha Horler) and Ross (Matt Day) are about to experience one of those years when you wonder what else could possibly go wrong.  This Australian film takes a realistic look at one family's journey after a life changing emergency surgery.  If you ever get frustrated with American movies and all of the contrived incidences thrown in to force laughter or tears, you'll be relieved.  The children are quirky, the parents are natural rather than being stereotypical, and the storyline is filled with plenty of narrow misses that make you thankful that no other tragedy strikes during this delicate year when a single choice could have made it all that much worse. 

In this case, Natalie suffers from an aneurysm just after a pap smear (I warned you about the realism, right?)  Luckily, this means that no one wastes any precious time in getting her to surgery...but, waking up from brain surgery means dealing with a lot of things.  There is the physical scar, the bruising, the loss of memory and dexterity.  There is also the emotion -- fear, loss, guilt.  And then there are the medical bills and the job loss.  Bonus?  No sneezing, no constipation, and NO orgasms -- Doctor's orders.

At one point, Natalie asks Ross to imagine what his replacement wife would be like.  Ross doesn't answer because he thinks the question both absurd and an emotional booby trap due to his wife's current post-traumatic state.  It actually isn't an unusual question for a wife facing mortality to ask (I know.  I've asked it.)  At the close of the movie, Ross finds the perfect answer and it really makes all of the struggle worth it.

This movie is not rated, but would win an "easy" R for a cross-dresser's "f-ing" tirade mid-film...wait!  Didn't I say there were no "contrived" scenes thrown in for audience emotional response?!

A Second Job for Mom

Tonight was one of those nights that left me wondering how in the world I will return to the workplace... but, I should probably begin a couple of steps backward.  My second husband and I are raising a family under special circumstances.  We have five children -- three are from my first marriage - all teenagers - and two are ours - both preschoolers.  We also both graduated from college last spring, which means we are attempting to do the improbable -- supporting a family that takes most couples seventeen years to acquire on a single, entry level salary...

...at least, that's what we were doing.  We've learned this summer that my husband's Physics Secondary Teaching degree is already a useless thing.  He wants to teach High School, so he hasn't had enough training to be a physicist, and, due to the economy, schools need teachers certified to teach multiple subjects...for example: Physics, Geometry, Chemistry, and Astronomy while also coaching the girls' Soccer team.  Bonus?  Many of these jobs are "part-time" meaning an hourly wage and NO benefits.  My husband took one of these "jack-of-all-trades" jobs for a charter school this past year.  It was both a joy (teaching the students) and a misery (twelve hour days prepping for three subjects without any prep time at the school, plus the commute, etc.)  Now, we're looking at his trying to return to school for further accredidations while teaching (IF he has an offer) or while working a "regular job" at a limited pay that wouldn't even match our mortgage.

That's right.  We're unemployed.  We are so blessed to be okay through July, but August is certainly looking iffy on the financial front.  With all of this pressure, we've both been looking for work...for me, that would mean taking on a second job. My current employment is "unpaid".  My job title?  Mother.  This is not an easy decision.  When I was divorced...and when I thought of remarriage...I did all of the research on what these choices could mean, statistically speaking, for my daughters.  So far, they have defied every one of those negative statistics.  I chalk this up to my own passionate love for life and learning and my ability to allow them their agency and accountability while discerning the right moment for parental guidance and correction.  That ability mostly comes from being here and knowing them well...and these are three amazing and capable girls!

Networking my resume, I sent a confident sum into the Universe as well...it's an interesting number.  It would be above my husband's earnings as a part-time teacher by $600/mth, yet it would not take our family out from underneath the government's "poverty line"...and it would mean daycare for our youngest two.  Measuring the cost of a mother getting a second "paying" job is never easy.  It is more than the price of gas, clothes, child care, lunches, and dinners out when you're too tired (or too late getting home) to cook -- what happens to the home and family when there isn't an anchor in it?  This is the question I don't want to answer.  I don't want to see the danger for my daughters, their educations, their relationships to themselves and the boys who are quickly entering the scene.  I don't want to know the price for my son, our youngest child...

The bottom line is that homelessness is worse than Mom getting a job away from home.

Last night, I got a call from a Camp Leader.  My twelve year old daughter couldn't breath even after asthma treatments.  We met at the ER.  It was 2 am before she was stable enough to sleep.  She was hoping to go back to camp this morning, but cannot (her breathing is not strong enough yet).  And I wonder, what happens when I am not here to do the "behind the scenes" necessary to keep their lives stable?  To keep the celiacs fed and the asthmatics medicated, to nurture through the hormones, and nourish the flourishing imaginations?  How do working moms do doctor's appointments and life emergencies for five?

I don't know what the answer is.  We are willing to relocate for my husband -- though this is costly with a family of seven and impossible in the face of two mortgages. We are willing to work the $10/hr or less jobs while looking for other work...if only we, as "overqualified" individuals could get them. Sometimes, we're underqualified...there are people with Master's degrees hunting these jobs (but that's another post).  I learned while going through school for my Bachelor's Degree and running the undergraduate literary journal that you cannot have it all at the same time and have it all well.  Something gives.  Always.  I'm hoping it is only the housework...

Brake Lights

All right people, I know that none of us likes sitting in traffic.  I know that you don't like to waste time and that you only gave yourself just enough time to cover the mileage from your house to the office at optimal speed and you canNOT be late again or the boss will kill you.  I know that even at 7:30am you can feel the almost July heat breaching your car and making you sweat and that you have to be going 60mph for the 4/60 AC to be working properly and you don't want to melt before you get there, but come on...brake lights are there for a reason!

This morning, I had the opportunity to joing the morning commute to help out a friend who is experiencing car woes.  I really only braked, mid traffic, three times.  First time, EMERGENCY vehicles...the lady behind me refused to see blinkers or brake lights and made a dramatic pass on the right nearly causing a brand new accident for said fire truck and parametic to deal with.  The second, was coming up the hill behind a semi...again, the drivers darted around (this one is a little more understandable).  The third...an accident was being cleaned up in front of us, which led to lane blockage and a pretty display of neon green vested Utah policeman NOT dancing to direct the traffic.  Of course, we wouldn't know this for a little while longer, but, why not have the patience to find out instead of causing more trouble by jumping to the conclusion that the person in front of you is an idiot?

Thankfully, I made it home in one piece.  It's called defensive driving while she-bopping to the radio as loud as I deem necessary according to the song being played...

huggin' and a-kissin'!  dancin' and a'lovin'!  wearin' next to nothin' cuz it's hot as an oven!