Near Death

There is nothing like headlights flying at 75mph toward your own closed eyelids in the middle of the night to make you question the counsel of "Go toward the light," but I'm getting ahead of myself...

Last night - date night - my husband and I found ourselves trapped behind a slightly swirving SUV. When my husband (who was driving) saw an opening in the fast lane, he decided to take it and get around the possibly inebriated driver already at a dangerous distance to the front end of our car. Slow down, you might suggest? Well, that is easier said than done at those speeds when you are completely boxed in by cars going too fast for the driving distances that are being kept... but, there was an opening. Until there wasn't.

The car in the fast lane turned out to be in James' blind spot. I have a habit of checking myself every time a lane change is made, saw this vehicle at the last possible second, and called out, "There's a car!" James saw it then and pulled our car back into our lane, but the shock of the unexpected car and the 75mph was too much for our Tangerine Dream to keep its balance. We began to rock, then skid - James with both hands on the wheel doing all he could to keep us safe - then we were spinning.

When our car was in a perpendicular position to the rest of traffic and the freeway lanes, I knew it was the end. Of course, you're reading this today... so, I was obviously wrong. But, my head - with that brilliant brain that thinks with unimaginable speed - went through every possibility... totaling the car, causing a pile up of other people, being paralyzed, dying, or both dying and leaving our five little ones without parents. I cussed then.

And immediately, let go. When the idea that these would be my last few moments on earth - the final page in my story - hit me, I said, "Okay" and completely relaxed. What else could I do but let my brain spin through thought? To see the faces of all of my children bathed in the light of oncoming traffic as we spun completely around... Remembering that it was a good idea to relax because drunk people come out of accidents better off for all of their "relaxed"... wondering for a moment why nothing had hit us.

And then, we were safe. We had come to a complete halt in the safe zone, having crossed three lanes of traffic on one of the busiest nights I've ever seen, unscathed. We didn't even bump the concrete barrier. It was as if James had just performed the most dangerous parallel parking job ever attempted. A task that was almost perfect. We were still facing the oncoming traffic though.

I don't know what to say... the prayers of thanks have been full and nonstop. I am here, in my home - woken up by a little boy at 5:30am just because he needed to twirl my hair... Let's not waste it.

Miracles

My husband said something to me the other night that has had me pondering the definition of the word "miracle" and what it means in my life. He basically said that he felt it was a miracle that I married him in the first place, but even moreso that I'm still here.

"Miracle" is defined as "an extraordinary event manifesting divine intervention in human affairs"... the first thing that occurred to me in reading this definition is that it's a bit sad that the affairs of the flora and fauna of the Earth are without the divine (yes, read with sarcasm) and secondly, that it is absolutely a miracle that I met, married, and remain with this very human man.

Tonight, my life was graced with another moment of divine intervention... though some may note it as ordinary... and it came in the form of Ursa Major - the Great Bear. Today was not a good day. It isn't that anything extraordinarily awful took place, but, my responses to all of the little things were petty and prideful and I knew it. Tonight, I ran away from home long enough to wear myself out and begin to pray... "Father I don't know what to do about today, except begin again tomorrow." Looking up at that moment, I saw an unfamiliar constellation. It was the second time I'd seen it this week and I felt a sudden urgency to return home and find out what I was looking at. It has turned out that in that constellation, I found my answers.

Miracles happen. There is a divine, active Parent loving me through this life. This fact doesn't mean that everything will come easy or with immediate understanding, only that it will lead to something better.

The End of the World as We Know it

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition, right? Well, maybe in our day, after being made to study centuries of World History ... the rise and fall of nearly every nation ever born being repeated played out before our eyes ... maybe we do. An interesting change in plot lines has been occuring since the archeological evidence of the belief in the end of the world. Instead of alien invasion and radioactive fallout leading to the demise of humanity, the Earth itself is a ticking time bomb. We have only to wake up one morning to the alarm going off.

Now, the CGI techs in Hollywood couldn't have as much fun if someone didn't live to tell the tale or witness the destruction of all that our modern civilization has built with their mechanized dreams - far from bare hands. These movies, such as The Day After Tomorrow (2004), can be difficult to sit through, however, especially when based on a faulty scientific foundation that goes way beyond the theory of global warming. Others, though, like 2012 (2009) may present the viewer with a believable scientific and archeological base coupled by a realism in character response that keeps the viewer watching through the silliest of speeding limosine through city falling apart under an earthquake wreckage you've ever seen. (Really. I laughed out loud!)

Whatever the movie or the wildness in the telling, thinking about everything ending in a moment, is never a bad idea. Living the life we have in the best way we know how doesn't always have to be prompted by a realistic near death experience. I wonder if the Mayan calendar ended on the Winter Solstice of 2012 because someone ran out room. Or if, there was imagination enough to predict the future just that far. Or maybe, Someone whispered some secrets so that we -- who would actually see the year 2012 -- would realized our end was near and live accordingly.

My favorite scene in 2012 was the monk at the top of the Tibetan Plateau looking into the face of the wave that would take him to his death and ringing the bell. Not all of us will have time or the opportunity to say goodbye before we go (however we go), but I hope that we live our best day, everyday, so that when it is time... we go in peace.