These days, I feel like I'm hanging upside down from a telephone wire. Recently, a girlfriend shared some information about one of our children's mutual friends. It didn't feel like super hush-hush information, but I still didn't intend for it to fall out of my mouth the way it did to my daughter the next day in my just-waking-up-from-a-not-nearly-long-enough nap. Crap.
Of course, I pointed out that this information didn't need to be shared because it would just be hurtful, but, holy crap batman: do NOT tell me the directions to your batcave right now!
By the next day, I came home from church to find the 16 year old in crocodile sized tears, everyone (the son of the girlfriend, the girlfriend, the mutual friend who had negative things said about her AND the mutual friend's mom) were all calling my daughter a LIAR (and that is putting it mildly.)
I couldn't reach anyone by phone and drove directly to Mom Y's house to confront her about calling my daughter a liar instead of calling and yelling at me for sharing the details of a "private" conversation (the comments had been made within earshot of most of our children). Not understanding the hold that Mom X has on my girlfriend, Mom Y, I tried to call and smooth out all of the edges. In a split second decision, I decided to go to the house of Mom X and make it my fault. I alluded to the things that had come from my mouth but said that they had been "misunderstood."
I've never regretted covering the tail end of a friend as much as that moment of deception. I wanted to protect my friend, who was (in my humble opinion) behaving irrationally based on some fear of knowing just how powerful Mom X is in that neighborhood. But, what I ended up doing was to cause my daughter's friend to doubt her words and her motive.
Her motive? She wanted to put her friend on guard around Mom Y so that she wouldn't believe Mom Y is an ally when she is absolutely not. Mom Y has some very unfriendly opinions about this girl that she doesn't want her to know about.
As for the backlash...
Mom X won't let daughter X come to my house anymore. The reason? Because I am a LIAR. The awful part about is that for that one moment, I was. I protected my friend...saved face for her. In return, my daughter's integrity and my own are in question and this woman (and her son) had the gall to yell out, put down and use degrading language toward my little girl -- demanding an apology from her in the process. Um...no.
Who needs enemies when you have friends like that?
Of course, I pointed out that this information didn't need to be shared because it would just be hurtful, but, holy crap batman: do NOT tell me the directions to your batcave right now!
By the next day, I came home from church to find the 16 year old in crocodile sized tears, everyone (the son of the girlfriend, the girlfriend, the mutual friend who had negative things said about her AND the mutual friend's mom) were all calling my daughter a LIAR (and that is putting it mildly.)
I couldn't reach anyone by phone and drove directly to Mom Y's house to confront her about calling my daughter a liar instead of calling and yelling at me for sharing the details of a "private" conversation (the comments had been made within earshot of most of our children). Not understanding the hold that Mom X has on my girlfriend, Mom Y, I tried to call and smooth out all of the edges. In a split second decision, I decided to go to the house of Mom X and make it my fault. I alluded to the things that had come from my mouth but said that they had been "misunderstood."
I've never regretted covering the tail end of a friend as much as that moment of deception. I wanted to protect my friend, who was (in my humble opinion) behaving irrationally based on some fear of knowing just how powerful Mom X is in that neighborhood. But, what I ended up doing was to cause my daughter's friend to doubt her words and her motive.
Her motive? She wanted to put her friend on guard around Mom Y so that she wouldn't believe Mom Y is an ally when she is absolutely not. Mom Y has some very unfriendly opinions about this girl that she doesn't want her to know about.
As for the backlash...
Mom X won't let daughter X come to my house anymore. The reason? Because I am a LIAR. The awful part about is that for that one moment, I was. I protected my friend...saved face for her. In return, my daughter's integrity and my own are in question and this woman (and her son) had the gall to yell out, put down and use degrading language toward my little girl -- demanding an apology from her in the process. Um...no.
Who needs enemies when you have friends like that?
I'm so glad I have boys.
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