Boundaries

Generally speaking, humanity likes its boundaries.  We want to know where the line is and though we may play at the edges for the adrenaline rush -- daring life to bring on the consequences, we like the safety net that our imaginary lines give to our psyches.  Boundaries allow us to play at Cock and Crow - boisterous in our opinions, decided in our positions - we throw words and feelings attached to the "us" and "them" of our vocabulary as if our relative lines of demarcation will keep us safe because they cannot be crossed.

But, what happens when they are?  When countries or people of different lattitudes suddenly see what they have in common and become "we."...  It's happened a time a two in my own life.  I always invite the experience.  It can really only happen when the gates are unlocked or left slightly adjar or swung wide open with a neon sign attached screaming "Friendship Wanted."  Trouble is, I'm an all or nothing kind of person.  I talk over the back gate with the laundry swinging in the sunshine to the neighbor who is working through a similar task while we fill the air of our existence with so many sweet words.  Though sincere, the gate isn't really open.  No boundaries have been breeched there.  Once someone is inside my little world, it can be an all consuming experience.  My heart and mind are full of them.  (And my life is currently abounding with people to love.)  I see this as nothing but a blessing.  Even in the moments when I need to pull away.

You see, I don't breath well, all crowded in that way.  But, I haven't figured out the way to let someone in and politely ask them to leave for a few moments so I can gather myself.  It always comes out in choking, sobbing, suffocated frustration.  I hurt people.  People that I love the very most...  I know why Switzerland keeps her stalwart borders - happy in all that she is on her own.