The Talk

As a parent, there is one talk you never want to have with your children.  I know you think I'm blogging about the birds and the bees, but, honey, I brought up the sacred subject of sex a long time ago.  I think eight years old could actually be too late in our very modern world where kindergardeners are watching porn over their parents shoulders and taking the newest method to school with them in the form of a "funny" joke.

Nope.  I'm talking about the one where you sit down and say, "Your grandfather (or insert other beloved relative) is a child molester."

The thing about having this conversation is that you are probably dealing with all sorts of mixed, negative emotions yourself...betrayal, confusion, anger, and fear are just a few of what come to my head.  On top of this, you now get to shatter your child's idea of home and family being a "safe" place.

Hopefully, you've already had the talk with them about the areas of their bodies where no one is supposed to touch.  However, many parents are still giving this talk along with other "stranger danger" warnings when only ten percent of child molesters are strangers to the children they abuse.  TEN PERCENT.  This is not a family secret worth keeping.

Here are some things you need to teach your children now: 

1. Let your children say "NO" when they don't want to be touched (this includes Grandma's kisses).
2. Allow members of your family privacy while dressing, bathing, sleeping, etc.
3. Use the proper names of private parts.
4. Be clear about okay touch and inappropriate touch.
5. Explain the difference between a secret and a surprise.
6. Practise talking before there's a problem by saying "embarrassing" words openly, honestly, and respectfully.
7. Make it clear that you will support your children when something makes them uncomfortable.
8. Create a Family Safety Plan so your children know what to do/who to talk to if they are threatened or touched by someone.

You can find more helpful resources at Stop It Now.  This form of abuse will continue to go on until we stop pretending it doesn't happen...until we become courageous as parents in arming them with the tools they need to protect themselves (or to get help before things become more than uncomfortable).  Have the talk.  Be thankful if you have no one in your family that you can name as someone who "hurts little children,"  but do not be surprised by an untold secret.