Bomb Scare Part 2

She didn't know.
She didn't know where she was or where she was going
only that her bags were heavy, the duffle
full of shoes and an extra shirt
the backpack where she kept her socks
like a makeshift set of drawers
she had to carry everywhere she walked
waiting to dress and undress and dress
again.  The last normal thing.

But they were so heavy.

The steps were shaded, white marble turned pale, violet
gray contrasting the green of the garden
across the sea of cars, buses, and semi trucks.
Sets of orange cones dotting the roadside
like upside-down creamsicles sundaes
that reminded her of being five and free
of everything but the single summer dress falling
from her shoulders, her long hair catching the sun
and her own laughter.

She forgot the bags.

Her head in the clouds, like a butterfly following
the arm of a crane, the metallic warmth
a magnet to the eyes, the antannae unaware
of the dry atmosphere, the sirens,
or the panic of feet hitting pavement,
as judgment waits for another day
to cry out "Guilty" or "False Alarm."
A concussion of water and backed up traffic
playing to the beat of a concert in the park
a flashback of her teenaged dream.

Bomb Scare at the Courthouse

Someone left a backpack alone just inside the door.  They probably wanted to see what would happen.  Did they know they would congest the traffic for three blocks in four directions for several hours?  Did they know I would flee to the north, uphill toward the capital, passing the bed and breakfast I dream of lounging in, the Capital Bldg. where I first tasted of the power of a single voice, the square house whose glass block windows make me think of what I would build if the money were in the bank, and the smiley face tennis ball as large as my car?  Did they know I would smile on the way home from the memories and the cleverness of turning north having the insider scoop from the office fireball in red reading glasses?

CRANK with a capital E

Today I drove home in the blistering August sunshine, driver's side slathered in sunscreen, for over an hour due to traffic.  I missed the closing of the bank to deposit my very first and desperately needed paycheck.  I have blisters on the backs of my heels from the flats I chose to wear today -- thanks Isaac.  And, can anyone say out-of-place-coccyx?!  Ouch.

Although the dishes were done (thanks honey) and the front room mostly clean...dinner was not even started, there were three loads of clean laundry strewn about (hooray for the "baby" learning to dress himself), the garbage can was bagless, and my bra was sticking to me with a new adhesive form of sweat-glue.

They say if you can't stand the heat, get out the kitchen.  But, being IN the kitchen was the only way I was going to eat tonight (and Steak Salad doesn't produce heat).  Dinner tasted good, but the 5 year old had a case of the shreiking giggles almost as serious as Vizzini warned you about and it took me an hour to get through folding laundry, leaving an hornery message on my mom's answering machine (that's another post), and chopping various veggies to get dinner on the table. 

Where was the fam?

Well, they chose that hour to vamoose.  Normally, it's a good idea to get out from underneath my bad moods.  But, in this case, I have to say it was the wrong answer.  I'm just not normally someone who keeps track of everything that everyone in the house does... and I don't even think I'm doing that now... I just want to know ...HOLY COW...  why people can't put their damn hands in.  Why? 

Now, I'm still cranky.  My son's bedroom smells like urine (though the toys are finally off the carpet), my daughter left her blanket (think Linus from Charlie Brown) outside, my other daughter is out of lotion for her eczema stricken feet, and my husband is awaiting sexual favors (not that he's said so in so many words, but I know his libido before today.)

My jaw is actually clenched...IF you know anything about me, you know this is almost impossible because my teeth don't come together. 

Wanna know the worst part?

I'm too bent out of shape to share my great adventure from today...not that anyone at home cared to ask. 

The Adjustment Bureau (2011)

This movie was so intriguing to me.  As a person who has been brought up to believe in both "free agency" and a "hands-on God,"  I had recognized the conflict between the two, but never quite like this...

"God made sure we couldn't get back home."  ~quote from an LDS mission president in Japan after finding the 9.0 earthquake and tsunami had destroyed their city.

"I will follow God's plan for me." ~lyrics to an LDS children's song.

"There is too much tendency to attribute to God the evils that man does of his own free will." ~Agatha Christie.

"Life is like a game of cards.  The hand you're dealt is determinism; the way you play it is free will." ~Jawaharlal Nehru

In this story, the Chairman (or Man Upstairs) has changed the plan -- David and Elise were supposed to be each other's one and only, but then, politically -- for the good of the world -- it was important that they never meet so David would still have the drive to serve his country as a Congressman, Senator, and even President while Elise would have the consolation of becoming a world famous ballerina.  Except they met...oops.  One agent fell asleep on the job and suddenly, the whole plan is offline.  David even walks in on his best friend having an "adjustment."

This whole movie is like being stalked by the mafia...the "agents" (instead of angels) are just plain scary in their Dick Tracy suits running around the city wearing their resistance-is-futile faces and making threats. 

"What about free will?" David asks.
"What about free will?  We gave you free will and you gave us the Dark Ages.  So, we put our hands back in and gave you the Enlightenment, the Renaissance, the Golden Age.  In 1910 we thought you were ready to do it again on your own, and in less than a quarter of a century you gave us World War and the Great Depression." Agent Thompson.

In the end, even the movie/screenwriter has enough of all of the heavy handedness.  Harry, David's personal agent, takes pity on him and shows him how to move through space like the agents do.  They map out a plan that will give David a chance to stop Elise from marrying the man the Adjustment Bureau has put in her path.  In the end, when the dust clears, David's determination changes the Chairman's mind.  In the end, we're all left wondering just how involved God is and how much we determine our own path while buffeted about by other people's choices...happy to know that none of us are being stalked by mafia angels.

First Day: First Impressions

Today, I worked as a temporary assistant at an undisclosed law firm.
Today, I dressed in a straight tan skirt, a blue three-quarter sleeve button up, and my seashell necklace.
Today, I wore my hair back and had makeup on.
Today, I wore my best smile ane applied my best handshake.
Today, I worked through dictation files like a madwoman and completed transcripts left and right.
Today, my husbands cell phone (borrowed in case of emergencies) went off just as I was chatting up the person I think may be the office manager.  She noticed I had a cell phone before I did and walked away.  Bewildered at the noise, I bent down and unzipped my purse just in time for the lyrics:

"I JUST HAD SE-EX!  And IT FEELS SO GOOD!!"

Really?!

Lucky for my husband that he had just traded his phone and hadn't been able to get through all of the already saved music... Lucky for me, the office manager had walked away. 

To hear the song, go search through the SNL skits. 

The Talk

As a parent, there is one talk you never want to have with your children.  I know you think I'm blogging about the birds and the bees, but, honey, I brought up the sacred subject of sex a long time ago.  I think eight years old could actually be too late in our very modern world where kindergardeners are watching porn over their parents shoulders and taking the newest method to school with them in the form of a "funny" joke.

Nope.  I'm talking about the one where you sit down and say, "Your grandfather (or insert other beloved relative) is a child molester."

The thing about having this conversation is that you are probably dealing with all sorts of mixed, negative emotions yourself...betrayal, confusion, anger, and fear are just a few of what come to my head.  On top of this, you now get to shatter your child's idea of home and family being a "safe" place.

Hopefully, you've already had the talk with them about the areas of their bodies where no one is supposed to touch.  However, many parents are still giving this talk along with other "stranger danger" warnings when only ten percent of child molesters are strangers to the children they abuse.  TEN PERCENT.  This is not a family secret worth keeping.

Here are some things you need to teach your children now: 

1. Let your children say "NO" when they don't want to be touched (this includes Grandma's kisses).
2. Allow members of your family privacy while dressing, bathing, sleeping, etc.
3. Use the proper names of private parts.
4. Be clear about okay touch and inappropriate touch.
5. Explain the difference between a secret and a surprise.
6. Practise talking before there's a problem by saying "embarrassing" words openly, honestly, and respectfully.
7. Make it clear that you will support your children when something makes them uncomfortable.
8. Create a Family Safety Plan so your children know what to do/who to talk to if they are threatened or touched by someone.

You can find more helpful resources at Stop It Now.  This form of abuse will continue to go on until we stop pretending it doesn't happen...until we become courageous as parents in arming them with the tools they need to protect themselves (or to get help before things become more than uncomfortable).  Have the talk.  Be thankful if you have no one in your family that you can name as someone who "hurts little children,"  but do not be surprised by an untold secret.

That's Distracting

There was a brand new family in church today with a cute little boy who kept turning around to flirt with one of my little girls.  Of course she leaned in closer for the attention.  I sat her back on the seat a couple of times because his mommie was asking him to turn around and be still saying, "Let's help him listen to his mommie."  But, you know, repetition in all things...

When his daddie returned from his Almighty Priesthood duties, Princess and Mr. Cutie Pie were in flirt mode again.  Just as I put my arms around her to tug her back into the bench seat, I could hear him whisper, "Will you move her back.  She's being really distracting."

Why thanks.  I hadn't noticed.

About ten seconds later, daddie was mock leading the music with a little girl sitting in front of them.  Of course this wasn't distracting.  A minute after that, he was talking to his wife about some such something that was too important to wait for after the meeting or to write down.  Nope, that was not distracting.

Later, when Princess laughed out loud with glee and gave me a high five for being able to read the 14-lettered silly word she'd carefully spelled out in all caps BEFREBOOLEFRBS backward, I just smiled and stared at the speaker knowing we weren't being distracting one bit.